Turkey's Balls

The very resourceful town of Fort Myers Beach, Florida USA, has just emerged from a crisis. The problem began a few weeks ago when some townsfolk complained about the banners that went up for the town’s annual Turkey Testicle Festival.

That’s right. Every year, Fort Myers holds a festival in which people flock to the town in order to drink a lot of beer and eat deep-fried turkey testicles. Turkey testicles, as you can see, are lovely pinkish things, tender and juicy looking, and a lot bigger than I would have expected. Strangely, this festival is not confined to Fort Myers Beach. Apparently, Turkey Testicle Festivals happen all over America.

Some of the refined and sensitive people of Fort Myers Beach were upset that the word “testicle” appeared on the festival’s banners. Apparently “testicle” (the word, not the body part) is offensive to their innocent and viceless ears and minds. Despite the fact that the festival uses up good meat protein that most people would find unpalatable (unless you’ve pounded about a dozen Budweisers first), and regardless of the fact that the festival raises money for charity (the Harry Chapin Food Bank), those timid townsfolk can’t bear the thought of their innocent children looking up at the banner and asking “Daddy, what are testicles?” A motion was brought to the town council to change the name of the festival. Anti-testicle councilman Garr Reynolds, in a textbook-case display of don’t-get-itedness, said “Call it a Tom Turkey Festival, that would indicate it’s a male turkey.”

Fortunately, most people in the town are not insane. In fact, the council vote followed what was described as “a laugh-out-loud discussion.” The motion was defeated, four to one, with most people apparently believing it was a non-issue. So the festival, its name, the banner, and all those t-shirts, get to stay.

http://www.blork.org/blorkblog/2006/10/25/balls-2/